Birther accusations: This is all you need to know, Ted Cruz is a natural born citizen of the U.S. He finds himself in precisely the same position as John McCain did eight years ago. Do you really think the Democrats did not attempt to challenge his eligibility eight years ago? …And please Donald, stop trying to help. Don’t worry, if you were thinking of voting for Cruz, relax—he can be president.
The Iran hostages: Thankfully, the four Americans being held by Iran have been left free. If they were being held for “crimes”, did they suddenly become innocent when Iran saw hundreds of billions of dollars suddenly in reach? What do you call captives who are released only after the captives receive something they’ve wanted? Hostages. Let’s hear you say it Mr. President and Mr. Secretary: HOSTAGES.
Marco Rubio: Did well as expected in the debate. Will this translate into votes in the primaries? His chief nemesis to date has been his fellow Floridian, Jeb Bush. Try as he might, Jeb just cannot penetrate Marco’s armor of being quick witted, good-looking and young. Rubio was more than willing to mix it up with Ted Cruz on Thursday. Will he do well enough in coming weeks to upgrade to Donald Trump?
Bernie Sanders: His main talent must be giving Hillary flashbacks of 2008. Remember how everyone thought she would win the Iowa Caucasus back then too? What was that guy’s name who actually ended up beating her? Oh yeah, Barack Obama.
The State of the Union Address: Chris Christie might have put it best during the debate: “…I watched story-time with Barack Obama and I gotta tell you, it seemed like everything in the world was going amazing…” The President’s recollection of the past year is as faulty as well, Christie’s own about his positions on gun control and support for Planned Parenthood. Having completed all of his presidential obligations, Obama finds himself free to go back to his first love, golf– until we need him to start packing up his belongings into a moving van roughly a year from now.